What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
