We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
