The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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