mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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