This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
