just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
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My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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