If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
