she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
