Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
