Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
