there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
A+ Viking dick
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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