Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
