i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
