I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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