No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
