I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
