i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Even my vagina gasped.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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