the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
