he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
