I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
