Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
