You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
