If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
