I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
