just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
