He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
