first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
