ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
