So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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