Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
