What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
