a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
