He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
