So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
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Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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