he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
