So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
