i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
