When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
