I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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