I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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