Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
