Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
