how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
