thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
