I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
