Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
