Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
