You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
