so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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