he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
