I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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