absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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