Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
