He had one of those small greek statue penises
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
