took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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