I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
