There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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