Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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