a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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