You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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