All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
