definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
