Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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