I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
