WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
