He had one of those small greek statue penises
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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