woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
