If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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