Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
