I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
