I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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