Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
