He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
