I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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