So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
